Failure (noun): lack of success; the omission of
expected or required action; see also: “I’m a…” and “Fear of…”
See that second
one, “Fear of failure”? Yep, that’s me. It’s also the majority of the people I
know. If it’s you, too, this post is for you.
We need to reframe failure.
There’s something
in our society that has convinced us that failure is a bad thing, and made us
roll our eyes at motivational speakers who tell us to “Celebrate our failure!”
This mindset has made us believe that failure is something to be feared before it happens, and ashamed of afterward, instead of
something that is part of our shared human experience.
Maybe it’s our
society’s obsession with perfection and that has created this mentality. Maybe
it’s our high expectations, or our obsession with “success,” whatever that
means. Maybe it’s something else. Though
that’s certainly an interesting origin story, it doesn’t matter so much where
this mindset came from, or, really, where it goes.
It just needs to
go. And we can be a part of sending our fear of failure out the door.
I started thinking
more about this after I saw a story about a new Gatorade commercial called “The
Secret to Victory,” on the TODAY Show about the unexpected key to success:
failure. Take a look.
(Disclaimer: This post is not sponsored by Gatorade, just inspired by it. 😉)
“You really want
to know the secret to victory?” “Defeat.”
The ad features
professional athletes like Peyton and Eli Manning, Serena Williams, and Atlanta’s
own Matt Ryan confronted by what society has deemed “failures” in their lives
and careers, from failing to make the varsity team to losing the Super Bowl, to
change the way we think about failure.
For athletes,
defeat is literally a part of the game; for all of us, it’s part of the “game
of life,” if you will.
It’s normal to let the losses, defeats, and
failures get you down. And it’s easy
to let them keep you down. The secret is not letting them, and that’s the hard
part.
When I was growing
up, the movie “A Cinderella Story” came out and, like any die-hard Hilary Duff
fan of the early 2000s, I loved it.
The movie is
exactly what it sounds like, a modern-day “Cinderella Story,” except this time, she loses her cell phone and, amongst other offenses, the evil stepmother has wallpapered over a quote that
Hilary Duff’s baseball-loving father painted on the wall of his diner
before he died. Finally, at just the right moment, when things seem most desperate, the
wallpaper is torn off the wall, revealing the quote and inspiring Hilary’s
character, Sam, to keep going.
The quote, of course, is a classic from baseball all-star Babe Ruth.
Though I certainly didn’t go
on to play baseball, or lose my fear of failure, this quote always gave me
something to think about when the fear of failure started to get in my way…and
it still does.
In my senior year
of college, when I started applying for “real world” jobs, I applied for what I
had thought, for years, was my dream job. I was rejected--I failed hard. I then thought I was
meant for something similar, but different, so I applied for the next set of “dream
jobs” with the same company, fearing that I would fail again. And I did; I was
defeated by all of them.
Then I found the
job description for my current position at Girl Talk and, though I was afraid
that I wouldn’t get the job, the feeling I had when I read the description made
me understand why I had be “defeated” by the first few dream jobs. This one
felt like the right one for me. And, thankfully, it was.
I believe that I "failed" because those jobs that I was set on weren't the right ones for me, because there was something that was "more right" out there, waiting for me to discover it. But before I did, it felt like my life had veered off-course.
The perfectionists
within us seem to think that if we fail, even just once, our lives will be permanently thrown off-track and we will not be able to accomplish what we want to
accomplish, or live the life that we want to live.
I’m happy to tell
you that that’s just not true.
Only you have the
power to create and control your path. Only you have the power to decide what a "failure" means for you. Your failures don’t have that kind of
power.
I’m not telling
you that you should never be afraid to fail, or be ashamed when you do, nor am
I saying that the fear will suddenly go away or that you should feel “good” about your
failures (that would just make you feel like a failure for not feeling good
about failing…make sense?).
It’s perfectly
okay to fail—it’s normal—as long as you don’t let it define you. Don’t let the fails keep
you down or the fears prevent you from "playing the game"--going after your dreams, following your passions,
and fighting for what you believe.
Instead, challenge
yourself to use defeat as a motivator. It's easier said than done, but take the L, then move on. Keep working
and keep trying for future victories, and you’ll start to reclaim and reframe
failure and, as Gatorade says, #MakeDefeatYourFuel.
With love and gratitude,
Katherine
p.s. Feel free to
share your stories, struggles, and successes in the comments (or email me: katherine@mygirltalk.org),
and let me know what you’d like to share or read about—my keyboard is ready and
waiting!
